


Making Destiny

by Baby_Fangirl



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth, The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ceve, Crossover, F/F, Slow Burn, casseve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 11:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21252491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baby_Fangirl/pseuds/Baby_Fangirl
Summary: In the Divergence world, Cassandra can't place where she belongs, and has to trust her heart, her friends, and her faction to help her make her future.Ceve with bits of JazekielCassandra Narrative.





	1. Most Beautiful Woman

**Author's Note:**

> This is written as Cassandra's narrative for the whole fic. Please enjoy. Crossover.

I have been awake for hours. 

I watched the sun rise outside of my windows, and witnessed as the day shifted into action in the early mornings. I heard the first car sputter in the distance, and the first door slam shut as someone came home after a night shift somewhere. 

Truth is I haven’t moved for quite a while, perhaps as if I stay in this bed, then I don’t have to face the day and the inevitability that comes with it. Maybe the world, for once, could wait for me. 

It doesn’t, and I can tell by the fact that my parents are awake, no doubt preparing a breakfast for the ‘big day’. 

My name is Cassandra Cillian, I’m almost seventeen, and I... I need to get out of bed. I reason with myself and wobble over to my closet that’s duller than my social life. Grey. Grey. Grey. 

For a couple of minutes, I tug relentlessly at the grey fabric of my awfully simple clothing, fidgeting as I always have at the way the dull linen had a mind of its own in the way that it wanted to hang. I’ve never liked the simplicity of Abnegations outfits. Besides, grey just isn’t my colour. For a brief moment, I kind of wish that there was a faction dedicated to pink outfits, or purple! 

I dismiss my idea as soon as it pops into my mind, and carefully take a breath. Here I am, dressed in my Abnegation standard grey clothing, getting ready to change my whole life. 

Another weary thing about being in abnegation was the absence of mirrors; my faction believes entirely in being selfless. I mean, I try to selfless. But it’s hard to think of other people before myself when I’m the one with a tumour in my brain. 

I stare at the window in my room as I tie up my hair, just managing to catch a glimpse of my reflection in the glass. I usually let my ruby red waves hang loose across my shoulders, but today I had to make an impression. Today I would leave my family and... and do what? 

I haven’t even fully decided on my course of action yet. 

Inspecting my hair in the glass, I sigh and undo my efforts, letting it hang free instead. 

Taking a deep breath, I finally wander into the main room of the house where my parents are already sat at the able, smiling giddily and talking between themselves. It disturbs me slightly how they more excited about me leaving home than their own daughter? 

Our house is bare of any sentimental values, just plain grey walls, a lone mantel with a roof and a floor. All the houses in Abnegation were like that. 

“Cassandra, you’re all ready!” my mother chirps, and I kind of wish that I could incorporate half of my mum’s enthusiasm into my own attitude. Perhaps then I’d be able to get through today. 

Today was, after all, the choosing ceremony, where all the sixteen-year-old boys and girls are forced to choose the course of the rest of their lives. We could either choose to stay in our current faction, or leave for one of the other four. The transfer was permanent, and after leaving your faction, there was hardly ever a case of someone returning. 

My parents had discussed it for me my whole life. I think that they forgot the fact that this was supposed to be my choice, but regardless, they’d planned my life ever since they figured out that I was a natural genius. My Synaesthesia disorder helped me to remember extreme mathematical calculations, but I didn’t really consider myself a _ genius _. 

They told me I had to choose Erudite the faction that values intelligence; I always felt the need to explain how the word _ ‘choose _’ works. But they still assumed how I’d assist Erudite’s leader: Mr Carson, in his scientific and historical breakthroughs. 

It did sound tempting at first. Using my gift to make discoveries people could only dream of... but I knew deep down that wasn’t how I wanted to spend my life. I wanted to make a difference now, in the real world, not behind a desk. I wanted to protect the world. Save it, if I could. 

But ever since my hospital visit two years ago... 

When they discovered my tumour, my parents refused to accept anything other than Erudite, they had the best hospitals facilities and the best medicine. If I went there, they could heal me. And so my life was decided for me. Now I just have to go through with it... 

I sit down at the table, too nervous to eat. 

The truth is, I don’t want to hurt my parents, but I don’t know where exactly I want to spend the rest of my life. 

“Eat something Cassie,” My father smiles, completely oblivious to my inner turmoil, as far as he’s aware, his darling little Cassie is going to leave and grow up to be a famous Erudite. I bite into an apple and try not to scream inside my head. 

My parents leave me to go get seated in the auditorium, and I queue up in the line for the Abnegation teens that, like me, had just left school and were ready to throw themselves into the big, bad world. 

To my left to see the Candor kids also line up, and on my right, Amity. Candor value honesty, and Amity value peace. I was about to shuffle forward when a small and sudden fight broke out on my left a boy got pushed from the line and collided right into me. We topple carelessly for a moment, trying not to fall. 

He was a boy with dark hair and a cheeky looking grin wearing the signature black and white candor uniform. He steadies himself before smirking with a slight laugh. “Ya okay?” the boy had an accent which I don’t recognise. I’ve never seen this kid at school. 

I nod quickly and dust myself down, and for some reason _ I’m _the one who apologises. 

“Sorry,” I murmur, noticing a dull pain in my shoulder. I was okay though. 

He seems amused by my words, or lack thereof, and I instantly frown until he speaks again in his funny accent, “Ya nervous?” 

Nobody has asked me that, not even my parents. Everyone has always assumed that I knew what I was doing, that I was there to make sure everyone else was okay, and not the other way around. I’m at a loss for words momentarily, until I nod and sigh softly. “I don’t even know where I’m going,” I admit honestly. 

“What did you’re aptitude test say?” 

The aptitude test. I almost laugh out loud. 

The tests were supposed to help figure out which faction you belonged in, coming up with a singular answer based on your decisions, feelings, ideology and situation control. Somehow I had failed a test that everyone passed. Failing made my cheeks go red, and I almost even cried. 

I had an aptitude for Abnegation, Erudite, and Dauntless. They call it Divergence. 

It wasn’t that big of a deal, but I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, and it left me even more confused than I was to begin with. 

“Are _ you _nervous?” I deflect the question and the Candor boy just grins at me and shakes his head. 

“Nup, I’ve always known where I belong,” with that he points to the dauntless line that are laughing and shoving each other, all of them so confident. I’ve always admired the dauntless, the faction that values bravery. 

They have some of the best jobs in the area, patrolling, guarding, shooting things. They’re fearless, they can overcome anything. They’re the only ones who can go beyond the fence and see what’s left of the world. They get to save people, and I want to be just like that. 

“My parents want me to be Erudite,” I tell the boy, and he shakes his head quickly. 

“Screw them,” 

“I’m sorry?” 

He gestures to nothing in particular. “Screw them. The way I think of it, is they’ve made their choice, they’ve had their time, Ya can’t live your life the way that they want, cause it’s not theirs anymore. Make sense?” 

I’m afraid to admit, that it does. But I know my parents only want what’s best for me... but why can’t I choose what I think is best for me? 

I mull the words over in my mind as the boy shuffles back into his own line. 

“Hey!” I shout across to the Candor, and the tanned skin boy looks up with his goofy grin. “What’s your name?” 

“Ezekiel!” he calls back and laughs slightly, “What’s yours?” 

“Cassandra!” I reply, and I smile softly, returning my attention to the abnegation line who are slightly disturbed by my yelling, knowing that if I do choose to be brave, at least I’ll have a friend there. 

The auditorium is full to the brim of sixteen-year olds and their relatives, plus a few older kids from each faction ready to welcome the newbies. We sit in rows of factions, and I’m seated in between a girl that I recognise from my class, and a boy who lives on my street. 

There’s a constant noise of chatter reverberating off the walls, but I’m too anxious to make conversation. In front of me, on the stage are five bowls, signifying the factions. 

The Candor bowl contains glass; and the Erudite bowl contains water. Amity’s bowl contains soil; and Abnegation’s have grey stones. Dauntless have a bowl of burning coals. It’s the choosing process, each new initiate will receive a sterilized knife, and squeeze a droplet of blood into one of the bowls and that was it... with a drop of blood you can betray your whole family. 

I’m such an optimistic person... 

The lights in the auditorium brighten and a man wonders onto the stage. The noise dies down as his presence consumes the area. I recognise this man from the tv that our school shows important documents on. Jenkins is the leader of our community; and had been the leader of Dauntless for fifty years before passing on the position to one of his students. 

I sometimes wished that I had a faction leader as wise and as exciting as Jenkins. But Abnegation leader Judson barely came out of his house, making decisions in the privacy of his own study. 

“You are the future,” Jenkins speaks out in a voice that captivates the audience. “Everyone one of you, sitting here. Today you will make the choice that keeps our world turning, and you will make this choice on who you know you are. You’ll make a choice because you believe in your future. Five factions together, create a purposeful unity, that you get to be a part of, so I implore you all to choose wisely, I know you will.” 

How am I supposed to believe in my future when I’m seconds away from it, and I don’t even know where to go? 

“Just remember, Faction before blood. You have to be the one, the _ only one _ to make your decision.” 

It’s as if he’s speaking directly to me. 

Did he just look at me? 

“You will be called up in reverse alphabetical order according to your surname, you will choose your faction, and you will go and be seated with your new family,” Jenkins speaks, and my legs start to shake. At least I have from Z to C to make a decision. 

Names start getting called, and people go up to the alter, and choose a faction. A lot of people stay in their own faction, but even more of them decide to leave. There’s always a round of applause regardless, but there are also so many tears when a family member leaves. 

There are people all around me standing up and leaving, finding a new family, and I can’t seem to concentrate on anything other than the sounds of crying coming from a woman rows behind me. 

We’re already in T, and I haven’t decided yet. 

Tanned. Sylalandria. Stone. 

A muscled boy from amity with brown hair and kind eyes hug his parents before moving to the bowls. He spends a second confirming his decision, before choosing Dauntless. Another round of cheers go up from the people in black outfits, and Stone goes to sit among them. 

Slayton. Samir. Rockwell. Renoir. 

My palms are starting to sweat and I rub them on my grey slacks. 

Noone. Moriarty. McGuire. 

I can feel my head start to spin as the girl beside me eventually gets up to take her turn. She remains in abnegation and there’s still some small applause. I bet my parents are applauding too. I can’t bring myself to cheer or anyone. 

Lamia. A dauntless girl waltzes onto the stage, not even hesitating before choosing the hot coals. Dauntless let out a loud _ whoop _. For a moment I wonder if anyone would cheer that way for me. I doubt it. 

Kubicek. Jones. 

When Ezekiel’s name gets called, I actually pay attention as he jogs up onto the stage with his ever-existing smile, like he did this all the time. He takes the knife and makes a careful cut on his palm. With almost the same speed as that Lamia girl, he chooses Dauntless, and when the Dauntless group cheer. I do to. 

I’m the only one in any other faction that’s giving him any praise, but he catches my eye and grins wider, before joining his new faction. 

We’re in H and I start to panic again. I have got to be the only one here who hasn’t decided yet. 

Goulding. Gethic. Franklin. Dobra. 

My stomach lurches and I feel like I might throw up. I don’t want to do this, not yet. I have to remember to regulate my breathing, the last thing I want to do walking up onto that stage is have a panic attack. 

Dare. Cuchlann. Collins. 

Mabel Collins was my friend. We lived three streets away from each other, and we’d often meet up before getting the bus to school. She was one of the sweetest people I had met, and my only friend growing up. She seems to know exactly what she’s doing when she holds her hand over Amities bowl, and then goes to sit down beside her new faction. 

“Cillian, Cassandra,” 

My heart stops. I want to sink into this chair and have the world swallow me up. 

I’m unsteady as I rise to my feet, almost stumbling over them as I dawdle to the stage, trying to buy myself some time. I know I’m the only person ever to walk onto that stage and still not know what to do. 

I can feel everyone’s eyes on me as I stare at the bowls with hesitation as Jenkins hands me my knife. Do you think they’d mind if I sat on the steps and break down till I got an answer? 

No. I had to do this and I had to do this now. It feels as though I’ve been standing here for an hour. I can’t bring myself to look at Jenkins, though I can feel his confusion seeping in to my brain. 

I take the knife and make a tiny, precise incision in the flesh of my palm, wincing at the sting that’s left behind as I put the knife down on the table. 

Erudite. Dauntless. I can’t move my hand in either direction, and I can’t feel myself breathing. I close my eyes, and put my hand out. 

“Dauntless,” Jenkins commentates, and I feel drained beyond belief. There’s a round of applause from everyone in the Dauntless. Ezekiel is on his feet and whistling. I can’t look at the rest of the room as I shuffle over to me seat. 

When I sit, every inch of me wants to turn around and scan the crowd for the faces of my parents, but I don’t. I keep my blue eyes glued to the choosing table, not because I don’t want to see my family, but because I’m petrified of the looks that I know will grace their features. I’m positive they’d be disappointed. But the worst idea of them all, is if I turned around, and they were no longer there. 

A lot of parents walk out on their children in they didn’t make the right choice. And all I can do is swallow back the unease, and hope that that wasn’t me. 

The ceremony is over far before I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ve abandoned my parents to... to what? Go save the world? I feel sick to my stomach and even wonder if I could ask to re-take my turn? 

People are spilling out of the doors like water out of a dam, and I realise it’s all the dauntless, racing and trying to outrun each other; and although I’m still caught in my own shock, I know I have to be a part of this, even if I’m not sure that I’ve made the right choice, I don’t want to get left behind. 

I prepare myself to exit the hall, but something in my mind tells me to look back, and I do. I think I see the grey hair of my father, but I’m swept up in the tidal wave of new dauntless initiates, and practically carried through the door, away from my parents and my abnegation life, forever. 

When we’re out in the open, the Dauntless spread slightly, so thankfully I have some space to find my own footing, but we’re all still running. _ To the train tracks. _ I realise. And I push myself into the edge of discomfort to try and keep up with the people in black. 

I’m nowhere near as fast as the kids that were from Dauntless, but from the new initiates, I’m just managing to keep in time with one of the girls from Amity. From what I saw at the choosing ceremony there were two Amity girls, and that boy; two boys from Candor, including Ezekiel; And a girl and boy from Erudite wearing matching blue uniforms. I am the only Abnegation. 

My lungs burn as I force my legs to keep going, one stumbling foot in front of the other. I almost sigh a breath of relief when the older dauntless pause, but I just groan when they start to climb the railings up to the train, and I actually consider turning around and going home. 

I mentally berate myself. Dauntless is my home now, and if I don’t get on that train, I have nowhere to go. 

When I make it to the railings I barely pause before trying to hoist myself up on the metal, reaching high for each ring and I use all my strength to pull myself up. My arms hurt as much as my lungs, and I feel closer to passing out that I am closer to the train. My vision blurs slightly and I blow my red hair out of my face. I was struggling enough without my hair tickling my nose. 

When I hoist myself onto the platform, I almost sigh when I notice everyone else is already standing, and running on the station. 

_ I am so not cut out for this. _I think, whilst getting to my feet. 

The train hurls past me and now I realise why people had been running. If I knew any curse words, I sure would have let one slip as I ran after the train while other people were hurling themselves into carriages. There were only a handful of people left on the station at this point, and more and more were making it onto the train. 

I start to panic, and push myself even harder to run. 

“Here! Grab my hand!” In the final door or the carriage, the boy from Amity is holding onto the bar, stretching his hand out to me. I run until I can finally reach his hand and he grasps me tightly, pulling me into the train. 

We fall into the carriage just as the station path ends and the train hurtles onto a bridge. Breathless, I try and fail to pick myself up off the floor, trying to avoid the weird looks that other people are giving me. “Thank you,” I whisper softly, still struggling to breathe. 

The boy was taller than me by a lot, but then again, who isn’t? He's dressed in Amity yellow and red, and his arms are thick like he was made for Dauntless. His smile was candid though, and I instantly feel like I’ve already made a friend. 

I make my peace with the floor and stay seated, my heartbeat finally descending back to its regular rate, my back against the train. Amity sinks to the floor beside me with a grin, sticking out his hand again, but in a gentler way this time, a greeting. 

“Jacob Stone,” He smiles and at this point I have to smile back. 

“Cassandra Cillian,” I shake his hand and laugh quietly to myself. “I can’t believe all of this just happened,” I exclaim breathlessly, running my hands through my red hair and chuckling nervously again. I’m glad that Jacob decides to laugh with me, instead of at me. 

“Nice to meet you Cassandra,” he sighs, and stares at his knees in silence for a moment. I know how he feels; like it’s all sinking in finally, the fact that we’ve left everything we knew in a world which we won't ever return to. 

“Why leave Abnegation?” he asks me suddenly, and I jump after getting used to not talking at all. I shrug nonchalantly. 

“Grey’s such a boring colour,” I lie blatantly. I think I can trust Jacob, but I’m not ready to explain the whole fiasco between my parents and I. Jacob laughs and I’m not all too sure why at first. 

“Black is a big step up then?” He asks and I chuckle slightly, I hadn’t thought of that. I nod anyway. Through the doorway of the train carriages I catch sight of familiar black and white clothing, and an even more familiar Ezekiel push past a rude Dauntless girl. 

“Ezekiel! Over here!” I grin ecstatically, waving him over with an enthusiasm that I forgot I had. He seems glad to recognise someone and he shuffles over before joining amity and abnegation on the floor. 

“Cass, ya made it,” he grins before realising there was more company, “Who’re you?”. 

“Jake, and you?”. 

“What she said: Ezekiel,” they exchange, and I feel smaller than I already am in between the two of them. 

For the rest of the journey we exchange our retelling of events of the choosing ceremony. Ezekiel seems to think that everyone in Candor was crying when he left, but I know for a fact that’s a lie. Ezekiel lies a lot for Candor, but then again, I was a terrible abnegation. 

Jake seems to notice when the mood shifts in the carriages, from a long-sought peace to a shuffle of excitement. I crane to try and see what the fuss was about, being small was one thing, but being on the floor didn’t help much either. 

“We’re jumping off the train soon,” Stone commentates, and I hurry to my feet, feeling more prepared now than I was before. 

“Shall we jump together?” I pique up, my fear of jumping out of a moving train alone outweighing the fear of getting laughed at for that ridiculous request. I glance between Jake and Ezekiel who are both peering out the window to try and see the approaching stop. 

“Sounds like a good plan,” Jake admits, shuffling towards one of the doors. 

“Hey, after that we can make friendship bracelets and sing kumbaya around a fire,” Ezekiel suggests sarcastically, but in my head that isn’t a totally bad idea. 

Considering that we’re in the final train carriage, I get to watch the dauntless ahead of me fly gracefully out of the train like eagles, and I wish, for just a moment, that I could at least replicate a jump like that without looking like I’m going to die. 

Jake holds my hand, and I take hold of Ezekiel's whether he wants to or not, then together, as the train passes the closest rooftop, we sprint from the carriage and leap into the air. 

I land on my feet! It's a step forward in the right direction, and Stone and I celebrate with a glorious high five. 

The rooftop is one of the highest for as far as I can see. It’s definitely the highest up that I have ever been in my whole life. The dauntless form a small crowd, with the new initiates at the front. We stand out in our differing colours like strawberries in the cucumber patch. I hover near Jacob and Ezekiel slightly for comfort. Everyone in black intimidates me slightly while I’m here like a sitting, grey duck. 

I finally look ahead to face what everyone else is looking at, and once again I lose my breath, but for a whole new reason. 

Right in front of me is the most beautiful woman. I’ve ever seen. 


	2. The Woman of my Literal Dreams

It was like looking at a cover of a magazine model. Not that we had magazines in abnegation, but other girls would bring them to school and fawn over the boys in the pages. She had skin that was smooth like velvet, soft, but captivating blue eyes and cheekbones that could cut through stone. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a practical ponytail, and her soft pink lips were twitched into an impressed grin. 

She was wearing all black, casual black army-pants and a black tank that revealed the swell of her collarbone. The silver of her dog tag glinted in the sunlight. She was military.

“Welcome initiates! It’s good to see some familiar faces, and even better to see some new ones.” her gaze passes by me, and I swallow thickly like I’ve just been shot.  Sure feels like it. Her voice is resolving and powerful, and it just  ma kes me want to believe every word she says. 

“Who’s that?” I whisper far too  qu i etly to Jake, and I’m amazed he heard me.

“Colonel Baird, leader of Dauntless, took over after Jenkins,” he says casually, still  quiet so that nobody else heard us.

“Now before we begin, who can tell me what Bravery is?” The blonde asks and before I get the chance to raise my hand the boy from Erudite burst out.

“Not being afraid,” he laughs as if he knows all the answers, and the Erudite girl beside him rolls her eyes, I kind of feel sorry for her having to put up with this guy who clearly didn’t belong in Erudite in the first place. I roll my eyes too. 

“What’s your name?” Colonel Baird questions and the boy grins smugly. 

“James. Moriarty.”

The Dauntless leader purses her lips slightly, “Well, James. Moriarty. That’s not exactly true. Bravery is-”

“Not the absence of fear, but finding the courage in yourself to overcome it,” I step in before Baird assumes that nobody else knows the answer just because an Erudite fucked it up. Her attention turns on me and I kind of wish that I hadn’t spoken up. While her smile is quite entrancing, I feel semi awkward with all the attention of her, plus the rest of the Dauntless, trained on me.

She looks at me as though she’s amused, like she’s never seen a Stiff answer a question before. I begin to wonder whether she had?

“That’s right ,” she nods, looking at me like I’ve just offered to feed myself to her pet lion. Shocked, but in awe. 

“Bravery is overcoming your fears.  So with that, Is anyone afraid of heights?” the blonde asks and I scan the small crowd. After a couple of seconds, I’m about to assume that nobody is an acrophobic, when one of the amity  girls steps forward. 

I briefly remember her from the choosing ceremony. Her name was Cindy- something, and she had been sniffling back tears the whole time as if she didn’t really want to leave her family. But she chose dauntless anyway.

“Come,” Baird called carefully and helped Cindy step up onto the ledge of the building. I glance over the small wall to see a hole in the ground several stories below us, it’s an awfully long drop and I feel dizzy just looking at it. I can’t imagine how that poor amity girl must be feeling. 

“To survive Dauntless, you need to overcome your fears. You have to jump,” and while the colonel gives those orders, she makes it sound so sympathetic, trying to build up Cindy’s courage.

She’s a small girl, out the same build as me, but with longer legs. She has a freckled face framed by thick glasses and mussed hair. I can see the tears in her eyes when she frantically looks hind her, clearly searching for an alternative, or for help. It hurts to see her up there.

Her legs begin to shake and wobble uncontrollably, and I start to feel bad about her situation.

“This can’t be fair,” I whisper to Jake who’s watching Cindy with the same expression I am. It’s then that I realise that he knows her. They shared a faction. 

“You have to jump,” Baird reprimands and a  sob cuts through the  girls throat as she shakes her head. 

“I can’t! I can’t!” The girl stumbles back away from the ledge to the safety of the roof top.

The blonde sighs softly, as if she wished that there was another way. 

“The train will be back in twenty minutes, you can wait here for it, and then you can leave,” she speaks, clear as crystal and my heart sinks. Cindy just failed initiation. She was factionless.

The one thing worse that being in a faction where you didn’t belong, was not being in a faction at all. Not having a community or a home; having to beg for food to survive. I try to think quickly if there was anything I could do, but I know the rules. There’s no going back after failing your faction.

Cindy is still sobbing as she wobbles away from the dauntless, back towards the platform.

Colonel Baird seizes my attention involuntarily with her conducting voice.

“This is the only way into Dauntless, if anybody else has an issue with this than you can also wait for the train,” she waits as if expecting more people to follow suit, but no one does, no one dares. “Alright then, we’ll give the initiates the chance to go first,” the blonde smiles, and before she’s even moved to the side, Ezekiel runs and swan dives over the edge of the building, letting out a victorious  _ whoop _ on the way down.

“That boy is crazy,” Jake mutters to me and I can’t help but nod in sure agreement. Baird musters a surprised chuckle. 

“Alright, who’s next?” 

When nobody steps forward, I take the chance, and the leader of dauntless fixes me with that small glance of surprise that she seems to save for me alone. 

“Okay then, show us what you’ve got Abnegation,” she murmurs with a slight fondness in her grin.

“Cassandra,” I correct firmly . I usually keep my cool, but I hate it when people undermine me just because I’m wearing grey clothes. Not for long though. Colonel Baird nods, and I hope I’ve not overstepped my boundaries.

I step out onto the ledge were Cindy was moments ago, and I stare down. It really is far, and I can see why someone with Acrophobia couldn’t force themselves to step forward. I feel my cheeks turn white. I’m not afraid of heights, but falling to my death does concern me a little. Plus, it’s cold up here and I’m also worries that a rogue gust of wind would send me spiralling. 

Gulping, I nod to myself. I had to trust Dauntless. I mean... they can’t just kill  initiates, right?

Besides, Ezekiel was down there, I figure I’d be okay. With one more deep breath, I jump off the ledge and try not to squeal as I fall.

The air whips past my ears, sounding like a deafening train whistle. I shut my eyes tight, fearing for the impact of concrete. Instead, I’m embraced by a net that springs me back up in the air by a meter, and I fall again until I’m lying in the net, breathless and amazed. Should I be worried that I actually found that fun?

“Cass!  Ya made it!” Ezekiel grins, helping me down from the netting that was stretched across the room. 

I’m getting slightly concerned how those exact words keep coming from Jones. Does everyone here expect me to end up factionless?

The left-over Amity girl comes down next, she introduces herself as Ariel and hugs me like we’ve been friends forever. She tries to hug Ezekiel too, but he dodges her like a bullet.

Jake follows, followed by the Erudite girl, the other boy from Candor, and James Moriarty. Then the Dauntless initiates follow us. All of them more confident and impressive than the last. There’s twelve in total, meaning there’s nineteen new official Dauntless all together.

When Baird jumps, she springs back up in the net and lands on her feet near the group. It’s super impressive and I do my best not to grin like a total fool. 

The smile that graces her lips is bigger than the one she bared on the roof, as if she’s genuinely happy that we all survived. Well, except Cindy. I try to push the thought out of my mind what would happen to the poor girl.

“Welcome to Dauntless,” The blonde offered honestly, and I suddenly start to feel like I belong here with the way her tone makes me feel. It doesn’t last long however, as Colonel Baird continues her speech. “Before you go any further, we will have to conduct a physical exam, just to make sure that you will be fit to undergo the trials of Dauntless. If for any reason you can’t make the cut, you will be escorted from the premises,” 

There’s a quiet murmur of questionable disagreement, myself included.  Surely we could have known that before choosing Dauntless?

“I know how this may seem, but you must answer the questions honestly. If you lie about a condition which causes you to suffer whilst here at Dauntless, we will not know how to help you,” Baird explained tentatively.

“I’ll call you in one by one, I’ll subject you to a quick bodily and mental check, and then you’ll get your new clothes and be shown around,” The Erudite girl goes in first and I begin to panic for the 300 th time that day.

“Mental check?” I inquire, and Stone turns around to face me with a soft grimace.

“Yeah, they have to check that we’ll be okay under pressure and stuff. I heard one time a boy tried to get into Dauntless with a curved spine and he wasn’t allowed to stay in case his condition got worse.” Jake spoke, and Ezekiel whistled roughly.

“How  d’you know so much ‘bout Dauntless mate?” he asked and I tried to seem interested but my heart was racing. 

Would they find out I have a brain tumour? Would I become factionless and have to face my family as they game the homeless food to eat?

“Cassandra?”  Bairds voice comes from the closed off office and my knees turn to jelly. Maybe it’s a delayed reaction to falling from a roof-top, but all of a sudden, I feel sick to my stomach.

I walk into the office and close the door behind me. I’m not sure where to look, so my wide blue eyes dart everywhere except at the blonde. It’s only after I’ve spent a couple of seconds still as a statue, and that a small chuckle descends Colonel  Bairds lips that I force myself to look at her.

She’s standing three feet in front of  me, kind of amused with her arms folded casually  across her chest. 

“I need to conduct a quick physical health check Cassandra,” The leader of Dauntless smiles at me, and I do  my best to smile back. 

“Yep,” I stand there and swing my arms by my sides slightly, purely out of nerves, and I’m not all too sure what she’s waiting for. Did I have to open my mouth or something?

Baird laughs again, a sound of angels, and she very softly places a hand to her own face, obviously trying to reign in her laughter. “I’m sorry, I should have made things  clearer , I need to see your body to make sure you’re healthy,”.

My cheeks go scarlet, and I’m fairly sure my ears blend perfectly with my red hair.  _ Oh! _

That would make sense, but out of all the things that have made me anxious today, stripping in front of a really gorgeous woman took the cake. My fingers feel numb as I start to unbutton my grey, shapeless chemise. 

I don’t care how important this examination is, I am not taking off my underwear.

I slide out of my oversized pants, and stand in front of Colonel Baird, refusing to look her in the eye. 

Whatever I do, I refuse to let myself shiver, or cross my arms over my chest. But it feels weird. I come from a faction where I can’t even look at my own body, so suddenly having someone else take such an interest in me makes me feel so uncomfortable, even if it’s for medical reasons.

I become so self-conscious that I’m tempted to ask plainly if I’m okay. I know I’m small and petite in all areas, but behind my clothes it was impossible to tell.

When the blonde is finished making sure my body isn’t broken, she stands in front of me again, closer this time, and now I have to shiver under her gaze. “Have you ever broken a bone?” 

“No,” I answer honestly, trying to spurt out the answers as fast as I can so that I can get my new clothes.

Colonel Baird is writing everything down, now and again, she keeps looking up at me with a smile.

“Do you have a disease or sickness that can affect you, or others?” I get car-sick sometimes when the bus to school runs over all the cracks and potholes in abnegations outer roads. But I don’t think that’s what she means by sickness. And I'm fairly sure Syneasthesia isn't a disease...

I shake my head. “No,”

“Have you ever been admitted to a hospital for a serious reason?” 

I swallow hard. I’m not particularly fond of lying, but this truth could cost me my place in Dauntless. Besides, Baird said a serious reason. I was admitted to the hospital for hitting my head when I fell off a bike two years ago. I wouldn’t say that was serious. It was just at the hospital that t hey discovered my problem.

“Nope,” the word feels tight in my throat, and I hope it doesn’t sound as squeaky as it feels.

Baird smiles at me again, and scribbles on her pad. “Alright, now finally, do you have any mental problems or internal issues?”. There’s no bending the truth around that one. Yes. 

I have to hesitate. I don’t want to lie to this woman. But if I don’t-

The Dauntless seems to pick up on my confrontation. “Cassandra, if there’s something wrong, we need to know. These rules are in place to keep you safe. It’s your liability to tell us the truth,” Safe? Why was everybody trying to keep me safe? My parents and now her? Besides, how safe was it to sleep on the streets as factionless?

“I’m okay, I have no internal problems, I was just,  y’know , thinking about it,” I explain, lying through my teeth. It seems to be enough to convince the woman, and she n ods curtly, before finishing writing her statement. Once she’s done, she smiles brightly at me before handing me a neat pile of black clothes which I’m instantly grateful for.

“Thank you,” I beam as I pull the shirt over my head, copper curls contrasting with the black. The three-quarter length pants hug my calves and I realise my whole outfit hugs my body. I’ve never shown this much skin, bear arms, legs, neck... I feel like a different person. 

Instinctively, I do a small spin as if I have a mirror, and Colonel  Bairds sweet laugh reminds me that I’m not alone. Once again, I blush.

“Thank you, Cassandra, you may wait outside and we’ll reconvene after the examinations,” I only hear half of the words said, too busy admiring the clothes that actually fit me. I giggle slightly, nod and leave the room.

When most of the initiates had been examined and approved, we all sat and waited. I’m glad that Jake and Ezekiel sit with me, maybe we’re already friends?  While we wait, Jenkins appears to take the older Dauntless back to their respective halls. How did he get here so fast? I certainly didn’t see him come down the net.  So there had to be a second way in here somewhere.

He catches my eye, and taps his nose as if he heard my thoughts. It makes my smile. And then wonder.

That girl Cindy didn’t have to be factionless after all. I mull in my moodiness for a couple of minutes, until Ezekiel suggest a  three way round of rock-paper-scissors, and I instantly forget about Cindy.

When the last girl gets her dauntless uniform, Baird shows us to our dormitory. It’s one big, dark room, with single beds placed in rows, with a small box at the end of it for our possessions which we don’t have yet. I suppose I could put my shoes in there. There is no gender assigned rooms, but I don’t mind, I feel safer around Jones and Stone than I do around that  Lamia chick. Plus, the girl from Erudite looks kind of shady too. 

Ezekiel claims the bed nearest the wall, and Jacob beside him, so I take the third bed and Ariel take the fourth. I’m glad to see the two  Erudites are at the opposite end of the room. 

“This will be your living quarters until you pass your tests and when you finally get allocated for a job at Dauntless you’ll be assigned your own rooms, or double rooms,” the blonde explained from the doorway, and I glance up at her. She catches my eye and smiles. I smile back. I can’t help it.

“Tomorrow, you’ll meet us at the pit at six o’clock, where you’ll begin your training, for the rest of the evening, relax. You’ll need your rest, believe me,” Baird leaves us in the dorm, and I fall back onto my bed with a triumphant grin. I did it. 

A bowl of soup each is brought to us for dinner, I know this is just temporary, I saw the huge dining hall on the way to the dormitories, but it’s nice to have a meal in bed. I was never allowed to do that in abnegation, not even when I was sick. 

For the rest of the evening. I sit cross-legged on the floor in between Jake’s bed and Ezekiel’s bed and we exchange stories of what our faction was like. 

Ezekiel said it was too easy being in  Candor , they believe everything, just because you’re meant to tell the truth. It was clear that Jones never did, as he was an incredible thief, and the leader Charlene, didn’t even suspect him when things went missing around his class. 

For Jacob, he actually enjoyed the peacefulness of Amity, their leader, Estrella, ran a gardening project that kept everyone busy, growing and harvesting. The only reason he left was to feel like he could be useful elsewhere. 

I tell them about how my parents wanted me to join Erudite, and how I didn’t even know what to choose when I went on the stage. I confess how I feel like I disappointed my family, but they both assure me that I made the right choice. I wish I felt the same.

Many of the others were already asleep when I decide to go back to my own bed after another couple of hours of laughing and telling random stories about our lives with my two new best friends. There was a lot to tell, and I laughed and listened until I could barely keep my eyes open. 

Jake hugged me goodnight and I wish them sweet dreams.

When I tuck myself under the blankets, I feel a sense of security more than I feel afraid.  Of course it’s odd being in a whole new place, with people I’ve never met, but from the events of today, I’m too tired to give it much thought, and I fall asleep pretty easy.

My mum is in the small office room in Dauntless, screaming about how I betrayed the family. She threatens to tell the whole faction about my brain tumour if I don’t get the train to Erudite. I try to explain how I can’t swap my faction now. And all of a sudden, I’m in my house in Abnegation, staring at a mirror. I can’t recognise myself in these black clothes, but I don’t mind it too much. In the reflection of the mirror, Colonel Baird comes up behind me and my breath catches in my lungs. She just smiles at me and when I turn around to face her, nobody is there.

I wake up when Ezekiel jumps on my bed, singing some random song about waking up, and I’m momentarily disorientated before realising where I was. I try not to feel too guilty from the events of my dream as I change into my new clothes choosing full length pants and braid the side of my hair slightly. I laugh to myself when I figure the hairdo makes me look something like a pirate. 

As we leave for our training, I link arms with Jake and Ezekiel, grinning wildly as I try to block the fact that Colonel Baird was in my dream. 

When we make it to the pit, we stand in a scattered crowd. People have already made cliques and groups, and some others remained in their faction. I’m so lucky that I have friends. 

The blonde is waiting for us, obviously, this time she wearing a tight-fitted black jacket and leggings with boots that nearly reach her knees. Her ashen blonde hair still hangs in a perfect ponytail. 

A blush sweeps across my cheeks as I remember the fond smile she offered in my dream, and I’m suddenly paranoid that she’d be able to tell that I dreamt about her. Thankfully she doesn’t single me out.

“Good morning, Dauntless. Behind me is a board, this is how we will keep track of your scores throughout your training and your activities. We will be monitoring you closely, so don’t ever feel too comfortable, everything you do will be observed,” Baird announces and I start to feel uncomfortable.

The board is made up of nineteen slots. One for each of us, I figure. But the last four slots are red, where the others are white. 

“If by the end of your physical training you fall in the bottom four places, you’ll be out of Dauntless, for good,” My chest is pounding, and Ezekiel and I swap awkward glances. Can they do that?

All my sense of security vanished. Almost everyone here had more strength than me, and they were faster too, when it was on paper, what chance do I have at staying here?

Baird clears her throat in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, but I’m not sure it really works.

“Jenkins is going to help assess your basic combat, don’t worry too much yet, you’ll get chances to improve and work on it throughout the coming weeks. Now, pair off, and be confident,” Oh God. I feel more confident than ever that I do not belong here. 

I turn around to find Stone, hoping he’d take it easy on me, but he’s already partnered off with Ezekiel, everyone else has paired up with another person and I get serious flashbacks being the last girl picked in the school gym. The smell of the rubber ball. Chocolate cookies. The blue squares in the corridor. The cold lemonade from my ninth birthday. Mint Green R. 

A tap on my shoulder shakes me from my synaesthesia, and I quickly spin around. Nobody seems to be looking at me funny. Nobody seems to be looking at me at all. Except for Baird who had got my attention. I wobble slightly. 

“Are you alright, Cassandra?” I note the soft concerns lacing the woman’s tone, and it makes my heart jolt in my rib cage slightly.  _ Stop it heart! _

I nod and steady myself, letting loose an exhale. 

“I’m fine!” I grin enthusiastically, bouncing on my toes. “Who’s my partner?”.

Colonel Baird’s grin brightens, and there’s a soft twinkle in her ocean blue eyes.

“I am,”.

Are you serious? I have to hit the woman of my literal dreams?


End file.
